The Back 40 Podcast
The Back 40 Podcast
040. Navigating Life's Transitions and Finding Authentic Identity | Sue Donaldson, Ruthie Gray, Susan Macias, Carol Feil
Ever found yourself in a predicament because your body is going through changes you don't quite understand? Or perhaps you're struggling to find your identity amidst the pressures of social media, comparison, and the expectation to constantly achieve? Well, ladies, you're not alone. I'm accompanied by four incredibly inspiring women - Sue Donaldson, Ruthie Gray, Susan Macias, and Carol Feil - who have each navigated their unique journeys and have come to share their wisdom on these common, yet often overlooked subjects.
Our conversation doesn't shy away from the personal, the profound, or the downright hilarious. We candidly tackle the often-ignored topic of menopause and each share our own experiences with hormone replacement and our strategies for coping with life's inevitable transitions. I think you'll find comfort and camaraderie in our tales of overcoming fears, breaking free from societal timelines, and taking action, no matter what stage of life you're in.
But that's not all. We dive deep into the challenges of finding your true identity in a world that demands comparison. We discuss the power of authentic communication, and the importance of being true to yourself. Wherever you are in your faith journey, whether you feel you're just starting out or you've been walking the path for decades, this episode is for you. So, get comfortable, grab a cuppa, and join us for a conversation that will have you nodding in agreement, laughing out loud, and maybe even shedding a tear or two. You won't want to miss it.
Connect with Sue Donaldson: https://welcomeheart.com/
Connect with Susan Macias: https://www.susankmacias.com/
Connect with Ruthie Gray: https://authenticonlinemarketing.com/
Connect with Carol Feil: https://carolfeil.com/
Thanks for listening in!
Follow the host, Mary
Social Media: @maryjohess
Hi everyone, thank you for joining me for another episode of the Back 40 podcast. I'm your host, mary Hess. Today is my season two finale and for the finale I thought it would be fun to bring back four guests and all of us just sit around and chat for a while, and that's what we did. So today's guests are Sue Donaldson, susan Macias, carol Field and Ruthie Gray, and we just spent some time talking about all of the well. Honestly, we just spent some time talking about all the things. We spent time talking about faithfulness, about comparison, about where we are at this stage in life and what it looks like versus what we thought it looked like, and just spend time encouraging one another and laughing, lots and lots and lots of laughing. I hope you enjoy this podcast. Stay tuned, my friends, the golden girls are up next.
Speaker 1:All right, I am so excited about today. I have with me four amazing women. Just like I told you in my introduction, when I call your name, please raise your hand so people can see who you are. I have Sue Donaldson, I have Ruthie Gray, I have Susan Macias and I have Carol Field. Thank you, ladies, so much for being here, from all parts of the United States. Right now, I believe we are West Coast, east Coast and in between, I think, somewhere in there. So so glad to have you and I thought it would be fun to kickstart with one question. Surprise that actually it was Sue's idea, so you can blame her if you don't like the question. Tell me in 90 seconds what God is doing in your life right now as far as ministry or whatever, but just give it to us. Let's hear, and we'll start with Sue, since she was the one who gave me the question.
Speaker 2:Actually, that wasn't the question, but I like that question. Go for it if.
Speaker 1:I got it wrong. I thought I had it right.
Speaker 2:Damn it. My question was what is our message?
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, that'll be another good question.
Speaker 2:Well, answer my question and then we'll go. What is God doing? Well, he's keeping me married, just kidding, I guess. I mean God's grace, really. God is good.
Speaker 2:I have a great husband, but sometimes things are rocky. Right before I go out to speak or something, I find that there's tension and I had to tell the women at the retreat that I was really snappish with my husband this week and it was their fault for inviting me to come and speak. So there's always a blame somewhere else. But what God is doing is my word of the year is receive, and often when I pick the word in January, I completely forget about it until December. But he has been reminding me to receive God's, his blessings to me, just tiny little ones and then big ones, like knowing such great women, like yourselves, I mean I just think. The other day, on a Zoom call with the writers conference coming up, Sherry Gregory reached out to me and we're going to have coffee this week Just because I interviewed her. I thought what a nice little favor from God. And I think 90 seconds may be over.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. That is so good. Okay, Carol, your turn.
Speaker 3:What is God doing? I just realized that I have had the opportunity to serve my adult children in very specific ways, each at different times this year, which I think is a really unique thing. He's carved out time for me to be able to do that, and my word of the year was listen and I know that might not have been part of this question but just listening and kind of taking cues from him on what my next thing is. I thought I would be doing some other things this fall and I had the opportunity to just love on my kids.
Speaker 1:That's so good. Yeah, I love that. I love that word. Listen, that's a good word. Susan the CS, your turn.
Speaker 4:I don't remember what my word of the year was, so we'll just skip over that.
Speaker 4:It has been a crazy year, and so part of what God has been teaching me is to follow, and that following means you don't always know what the next step is. I'm trying to finish a book that I've been working on for about eight years but have dreamed of writing for about 30. And so it has been a long, painful process, and God is continually reminding me that I'm not late and I feel late a lot, and so he's just really keeps telling me that my timing is in his hands and what's in my hands is the obedience. So I just keep plugging away and I'm not good, and same day, at the same time, it drops. I never. You know, that's just not life this year. And being okay with that and serving him and the women that he gives me to love on and tell about him, and, yes, with Carol serving my family, that doesn't go away had a couple of new grandbabies, so you know, and a wedding just got done with the wedding. So, yeah, all that.
Speaker 1:That's some good stuff. That's a lot of stuff. That's so good, though. Okay, ruthie, your turn.
Speaker 5:Okay, well, somebody said something about Word of the Year. My Word of the Year was eyes and it was because I had this goal of getting lens replacement and I did it. But in the process I circled every reference, every verse in the Bible and I go through the year, through the Bible in a year. Every year that has something to do that says eyes or sight. So that kept me on track and I am just loving that whole thing there. God has really spoken to me. But my message is that you can start life anew and find your passions in Empty Nest and my book launch is tomorrow Empty Nest Awakening Weaving the Threads of your Passions Into Purpose.
Speaker 1:So good and we just finished an interview that's going to be out in a couple of weeks about her book and I got to be on the launch team and it's really, really, really a timely book and I think it's going to be great for all of us going through that season and entering that season like we chatted about. Okay, my turn. So my year has not gone like I thought it was going to go as far as like ministry and just life in general. I hit menopause so hard in February and, because I'd had a partial hysterectomy, I didn't know I was going to hit menopause. I didn't have the regular signs and so I woke up just one day in a crazy spot and it has taken me months to even start to feel just that much normal and I don't even know if I'm going to really feel that normal again because I'm in a different phase of life.
Speaker 1:So I feel really discombobulated in this season, which makes me feel not very inspired to do things you know, or creative, or tolerating people. My people level is like whoa. It's like way lower than what he used to be, and I hate that because it doesn't feel like me. So I've just been trying to wrestle with being okay with not being okay right now and finding grace for that and being thankful for people in my life who are okay with me not being okay right now. If that makes any sense, that's kind of what makes perfect sense. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that kind of leveling out, because I miss creativity and miss feeling like I'm accomplishing things and stuff like that. So it's been a really really weird, really weird season for me, but thankful, thankful that it's nothing super crazy. It's just the new season of life and I've got to adjust and monitor and move on. In Thoughts anyone on that?
Speaker 4:I just like how we were all nodding as you're saying that Been there.
Speaker 1:Is there a trophy or a medal or something?
Speaker 2:There should be, there should be Right, there's hope, because I can't remember it so.
Speaker 4:Oh yes.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, that would be exciting. I find that I would be curious about this, though I've offered that. I thought I want to talk about something, too, that Susan Macias said earlier, but I have found that it feels like women are not celebrated going into this phase of life, like men are as they age, like it's almost looked at like oh, you hit menopause. Oh, that's how it's been approached to me. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm going to be in this the next 30 years of my life. Really, like, is it that bad? Like why is this so, you know? So I'm trying to change some of that. When I've talked to people and even in my own mindset, like, oh, wow, here we go. Everything's changing, you know. So did you guys experience that? Was it like that for you? Or did you just hit it running and go? Yes, ma'am, here I am, take it.
Speaker 4:Who wants to go first?
Speaker 3:I will say that I kind of went a non-traditional route. I mean, I still have all my parts, I haven't had to have a surgery, but I got some help with some hormone replacement and that's been life changing for me, and I've suffered with chronic low thyroid stuff for years, Some of those hidden things that you know when you're up you're up and when you're down. You can't explain why. So, but the lows can be really low, and when I first was checking into what could be helpful some of the tests, things that are supposed to be at a certain number, and you find out you're basically below zero you wonder why some things in your life aren't functioning well.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, that was more of the vitamin and herb kind of thing. My mom had had breast cancer and I couldn't do HRD and so but the other part was learning to embrace. It was just learning to embrace the new part, the new normal, and I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think she froze up on us.
Speaker 4:I'm back Susan Kiel for the most part, and so I just, you know, I had to make a choice, to say good, this is my new season, and I'm going to assume that God didn't make me faulty and that this is where we are now, and so I've learned to just enjoy it for what it can be. It's not bad. There are. Hot flashes are never fun.
Speaker 5:New 100 on that. Hot flashes are the worst. So I'll give my story. I was 42 when I had a complete hysterectomy. I'm 59 now. I still have hot flashes, but I am on hormones and have to be because I cannot live with those hot flashes. Girls, I have cooling pillows, I have cooling mattresses, I have, you know, just anything you can think of, and usually my leg is hanging out of the bed every night and my husband's like covered up to his neck and I'm just like how can you be so hot? So it's not fun. But I will say this for me I did not experience. I did have like some anger issues. Yes, I had some snappy moments, and my husband would definitely say that, and so my kids. As far as depression, I spent the first 40 years of my life in and out of depression, but after I haven't been depressed since. It's kind of weird.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 2:I remember two hot flashes Sorry, ruthie, I've had two, but I'm so glad I had them, because now I can relate and I'm sorry, I have a cooling pillow too, but it was my husband had just lost his job and I thought well, I don't have insurance, and so do I do anything? My husband said go get your hormone replacement. He's a doctor, so he told me what to get, but it was $5. So it was so worth it. But I remember just whipping off my sweatshirt you don't have to visualize it but I'm thinking, oh, this is why there are all these cartoons about it, because it is like immediate.
Speaker 2:And now I have all my friends are younger because my friends die because I'm so old. But that's what my mother used to say, that I have friends who, like I, sit by the fire when they visit, and they're 10 feet away from me because they're in that, but I'm always cold. I mean, look at me and it's 79 degrees outside. But I didn't have much going on and I don't have problem with depression. Probably, though, I just want to be so in sync with what the Lord is doing in my life, so that, if I snap at someone, that I can do short accounts, like with God and my children and my husband.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good. I didn't have depression. It was so weird. I felt like mine was. I felt very flatlined, like I wasn't sad, I wasn't angry, I wasn't ecstatic, I just didn't care, like it just felt like I had no humor. No, it was the weirdest thing flat affect, which was what scared me because I went something's not right, that's not me.
Speaker 3:Especially if that's not your normal Right. So when a few flat days is one thing, but to feel like you just have gone, flat, like really flat.
Speaker 1:We're talking like flat, flat.
Speaker 2:I have a friend. She was director of women's ministries Okay, so, godly, wonderful friend. And she didn't know she was depressed. So when she got medication for it which is maybe a different topic she said Sue, it was, I've been living my whole life with sunglasses and now it's off. I thought, wow. In fact, when I was dating my husband, I said would you, would you prescribe antidepressants? I was just testing him to someone, you know, to someone, because, like some people can be, spiritualize it and say, oh, we don't need it, jesus. And and he said, if they need it, I prescribe it.
Speaker 1:And so I said yes, I don't know why I put makeup on today. I don't have an idea. I'm going to cry it all off, laughing so.
Speaker 3:I think this is a great topic to bring grace into the picture, right, Because there's so many different ways we all approach things, based on how we were raised or what we've been exposed to and I'm doing more of a homeopathic, minor bio identical in terms of the hormones because I have some other issue breast cancer history and the family and that, and just trying to be cautious of some things.
Speaker 3:But when your family realizes that you're not snappy angry, like when they see the change and they start to plot, you're like, okay, there's something to be said for the things that are currently helping and these are good things. Not everybody will. I mean, everyone chooses differently, right, as you walk through that. I think one of the great things that could come out of this conversation is that there's a lot of ways to approach it and if we can be kind with one another and not be too quick to push our own agenda on somebody else, but to know that there are a lot of options to kind of get over the hurdle and not be snap turtles always oh, exactly, yes.
Speaker 1:Yes, I have a lady at our church. She was like, oh yeah, I'm going to pause. I hit it, I was fine. I've never had a hot flash. It was great. Nothing, no big deal. And I'm like, should you pray for me? I have that. Oh goodness, yeah, it's been interesting, yeah.
Speaker 2:I have a question based on what you said. When you feel flat, you don't feel creative, and we all four, five of us are creative. I'm sorry, I was an English major. I had to count.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're all creatives and I know when I'm not feeling creative. And so what? My question would be for all of us? What is the best sparking? Let's say, you have to be on for something, either speaking, writing, a deadline of some sort and you're feeling that flatness and I don't mean necessarily hormonally, I just said you're just feeling that way. What would be the best impetus for you to get going?
Speaker 4:Good question.
Speaker 1:That is a really good One is to get outside.
Speaker 4:If I can get outside and take a walk, even in Texas, 100 degrees, that just kind of blows some of my mind out. Sometimes it's just good old fashioned sit down and start and ask the Holy Spirit to bring the fuel that's not there inside already. But getting outside for me is my first step. I can't wait to hear y'alls, because I need a longer list than that of what to do.
Speaker 3:I do agree, susan. You guys know my love of gardening and my yard and that is always life giving for me. But I would love to hear some other things as well, because I think I can't just walk in a garden if I'm getting ready. Sue's got some speaking things coming up, so what does she do? Walking into that auditorium of women, really not feeling the way we kind of expect ourselves to, that's good, mine is also walking.
Speaker 5:But I did hear that if you want to appear very energetic and excited, then you laugh really hard for five minutes before you go live, and so I've tried. It actually works.
Speaker 1:Interesting.
Speaker 3:So how do you make yourself laugh hard?
Speaker 5:Well, you just start doing it. It's kind of painful to begin with because you don't really have anything to laugh at, but you eventually start laughing at yourself laughing, and it helps if your family is on the other side of the door and they don't know what you're doing and you just start laughing hysterically at the top of your lungs and then you start laughing at them. So this is crying.
Speaker 3:I love this. I love so much.
Speaker 4:Michelle Kishat was, I'm sorry, real quick, this was. She grows again Essential oils and it's. You do the peppermint pellet and you put it in your mouth and it's sort of like explodes your mouth and peppermint and you just, and so I have those for speaking and it really does help.
Speaker 1:Interesting. So peppermint, hmm, hmm, well, I don't. I haven't. I guess I probably have done a little bit of all of those things and haven't found one thing that I go. Oh yes, every time I do this one thing, it it works.
Speaker 1:But I do find if Shannon and I have been laughing and joking and just having a good time, I feel more apt to be able to prep a sermon for Sunday or get ready for a podcast interview or whatever that thing is. But I still haven't quite felt the creativity that. I know I normally feel like to sit down and write or work on our book, or it's just been weird for me. So I do the whole. Jesus, please help me. God, I've got to prep this for Sunday and I need you. I really need you this time. Like you know, I'm doing the whole thing, or just going for a walk or going outside or trying to do something fun that does that takes the pressure off of I'm going to have to do this thing that I know I'm going to have, you know, to be in front of people. So I haven't. I have not. I'm writing down all of these things because that's stuff that would help me definitely.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I say one thing there is something to be said for rest and doing something completely to erase your mind from that thing that you have to do. If you can unplug for 24 hours or 12 hours or just go somewhere that you're completely off the grid, or and maybe you can't do that but just enter into community, get out with your girlfriends or or anything that's going to just force you to be in the moment, I honestly think yoga is good for that, because you have to be thinking about what you're balancing. You know, like I can't do the tree pose without thinking about it. So if you can do something like that, I have this app. I don't know why it's free for me. My daughters are always jealous of me because I have this app and it's free and it charges them all the time and and it's got all these great workouts, yeah, yeah, but yeah, so I just do. I pop that in if I need to cleanse my mind, to refresh it before going on to the next project.
Speaker 2:I have a couple of different things. I it seems like if someone would call and say would you speak on this particular topic? I'm always stuck at the beginning, but then, because of help me, lord, prayers, like Mary just said, I always start with scripture and my mentor has reminded me Sue, you start with scripture and somehow that always works, and I for me, and I think God wants to remind me every single time that it starts and ends with him and with his truth, and so somehow he's, he gives me the creativity, starting with the scripture. It doesn't mean when I speak I speak with that, I start with that verse. It just means that all the stories then come, illustrated from my life or other people's lives, based on that scripture.
Speaker 2:And then also baking helps me as far as something that that's not having to do. It's creative, it's restful. I know it's not for everyone and it's it's dangerous, because then I like, I like what I bake, and then to give it away, that's, you know, outside yourself. So that would be the only reason I would go outside and walk would be to give away my baked goods. I am in a cardio class in somewhere three times a week and that's such a huge blessing. I would not go, except I know that I know it's good for my flexibility at 71. So I mean I just got back out of a little sweaty.
Speaker 3:I will say to add to the list. I did it this morning like worship music and it doesn't have to be the super mellow, you can like pick your tempo. But sometimes I just need a song to play on repeat, even because I just need to sit in the message of the song. I've been enjoying Shane and Shane and their renditions of the Psalms. There is another, another folksy group. I'll have to think of their name, Maybe I can add it later.
Speaker 3:But just finding some music is so restorative and I love Ruthie's idea of unplugging.
Speaker 3:Because we are such a saturated culture with information and it's easy to sit in too much information, the negativity of the information, the expectation of the information, the assumptions of the I mean the list goes on of all the things that we take away, and because we can now walk around with, you know, computers in our back pockets, I think we have to really really guard our hearts and minds to what we allow to settle in and take up that space.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the music just kind of helps wash some of that out, and particularly worship music. I mean, let me tell you I love some good 80s rock and roll too, but that's probably not quite the same bent. If I'm walking, that would help me walk, Sue. So there you go, but in terms of just prepping my heart and my soul to work on a message, to be with people to fight off the enemy, like Sue was saying, with so many speaking opportunities, it seems like the enemy wants to jump in right before we have something that we think is significant, and the music is a big part of that for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so good, that's so good, Great ideas. Good, good, good ideas, which is a good segue. Susan said earlier which was talking about in her 90 seconds about writing this book that has taken her years to get to certain points and having to learn that it's that God is not late or that she's not late.
Speaker 1:I love this because I think sometimes it's easy for me even to get into the mindset of oh my gosh, I'm in my 50s now and what do I have to show for it? What do I have to show that I've been doing ministry or I'm successful in some arena or some way? I've been saying for years I'm going to write this book or I'm going to speak at these big conferences or whatever the things might be. But let's talk for a minute about that concept of not being late or not being done. I think that, especially for my podcast I'm talking about the back 40, I have found so many people who say that they've either started new things or really came into their stride, that sort of thing. I just never really thought of that prior to hitting this phase of life. I thought, well, by that time I will have arrived, but by that time I'll just coast on through because that's what you do, that's just so. Anyways, feel free to add to that and anyway, I would love to hear your all thoughts on that Go.
Speaker 2:Ruthie's written a whole book on it. So I've got a book. But the point that she and I have talked about is fearlessness. I mean it's scary to try something new at a certain age or to realize what you thought you would have at this age you didn't have. So then that could be very negative emotional thing, and I think it's good to surround ourselves with other women, like you all, to remind us that we're not late, because God's not late.
Speaker 2:And my mentor would say we are the ones with fast watches, not God, and so to continue to surrender to him and then be surprised and delighted when something happens that maybe you didn't count on, but on the other hand, we still work towards it, because Ruthie just doesn't say, ok, it's going to be great. No, you actually have to do something and get off your duff or try something scary, like start a podcast or submit a book proposal or speak in front of a bunch of women, and I think to have that expectation that God is going to surprise us, but we're still obedient. So whose word was listened? I don't think I'll ever choose that one, but that was a good word and to listen to God because he'll, yes, that was my word, so I know it was a good one.
Speaker 2:I'll check it. I'll check back in five years. I'll get that word, but anyway I'll just be quiet. But I just thought that was just to be. My mother's chiropractor had to tell her stop cleaning the pews. I mean she was working so late in life. And so to be surrounded by people who inspire you is is self-serving sanctification. To go into community on a regular basis and say have someone, say you're not late, susan, you're blessed, you're doing what God wants you to do today.
Speaker 1:So good.
Speaker 5:He said the word Community.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 5:Community grows opportunity. Somebody said that once and you'll actually read that in my book. But I really believe that you know, when we start feeling lonely or down about what we're doing or anything to do with our second half of life, the worst thing we can do is stay to ourselves. The best thing we can do is to get in some kind of community. Maybe it's a knitting club, maybe it's a walking club, maybe it's a writer club. But we need other people around us to bounce ideas off of, to come alongside us, to build us up and to tell us the truth when we need to be told the truth.
Speaker 1:So good. I think that it's true. You know, we talk about that from the spiritual aspect all the time, and how the enemy wants to isolate us, because when he can isolate us, then we withdraw into ourselves and it's oh, we're never going to be this or that's never going to happen, or it's always this way, and we don't have people around us to pull us up and say nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. You don't get to stay there. That's not who you are and that's not where you are in life. It's good.
Speaker 4:And it can be very in the creative life. It can be very isolating, you know it's. It can be kind of lonely to be writing or to be even podcasting when you interview people, I mean it's just, it's me in the room by myself and so it can feel that way. And for me the big thing has been really studying scripture and seeing how God is so not in a hurry ever. He's never in a hurry that he gives. He gives Abraham the promise that he's going to have a son, but that doesn't happen for 16 years and then that son is Isaac, isn't get married till he's 40. And then she's also can't have kids. So they don't have kids till he's 60. So that's like 76 years from the promise of generations.
Speaker 4:Like the stars you can tell. I've studied this. I mean this is so important for me to have figured out that God was like it's all good and when Abraham wanted to complain, he goes go out, look at the stars. That's your promise. So you work towards the promise of what God has said and you obey him and you follow. But in our industrial community what you do and produce and the sales numbers of that or the listen rate or how many downloads you get is your measure.
Speaker 5:I'm on the edge of my seat. The line is so freeing.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You froze on us just a little bit, susan and we.
Speaker 4:Did I have a really great face yeah.
Speaker 2:That's the important thing.
Speaker 1:You were at the really good part, where you said I was at the good part.
Speaker 4:I was saying it's God's economy and God's timeline are never ours and they are not economical. And he's not worried about his reputation. He's worried about my faithfulness and his goodness and that's the deal.
Speaker 2:Not even about it.
Speaker 3:Well, and I like to say we live in a microwave society, right. We want instant everything. I'm frustrated. If I can't drive through to get a coffee, have them forbid. I should park my car and go inside if I'm in a hurry. I think for the generation coming behind us. If I feel that way, what do our kids and their friends?
Speaker 3:Had a conversation with a young gal who just felt like she's staring her a next decade in the face and just feeling like perhaps she hasn't done enough, or that she's missed things, or that she didn't do the last decade well enough and that she's running out of time. And, ruthie, do you remember what the conference we were at together? Somebody talked about the women's most productive years in ministry. I think it was the 70s, and Sue is a living example of that, because she is my spirit animal and my superhero, and I love to be reminded that God's not late with his promises and that what our culture says the timing should be is not necessarily God's timing and that we can keep working towards our goals.
Speaker 3:And I'm encouraged by all of you guys for all the things you're doing. And it makes me realize that the dream, susan, that I've had for so long on words that I want to get out. People are like are you writing a book and it's like I got a whole lot more writing to do before it becomes a book. But even being able to say that to people and not feel like I'm somehow apologizing for being less than because I don't have a book in the works, you know what I mean. As soon as you tell people that you're writing, speaking, doing whatever Good to be reminded of Abraham Sarah, their whole journey is so foreign to us in this culture.
Speaker 1:Oh so is the journey of Joseph. I mean, I think about him a lot.
Speaker 2:Go ahead. I like what Susan said. That was 76 years. 76 years, you said it was a span, so that means I might actually have grandchildren someday. You guys all talk about that. I said, well, that's what I'd like to be doing, but instead I'm doing these other things. I hope my kids won't listen to this. They never listen to me, so that's okay. No pressure girls. But you know I'm married late. It's a miracle I'm married. So I keep thanking the Lord for that.
Speaker 2:And I think a problem I still have, even at 71, is comparison issues on social media. And I know it's talked a lot about a lot and I think, okay, that doesn't bother me. It does bother me at times and that, well, if it's bothering me, that means I'm basically just a proud old woman and I hate myself. So then I'm off of it for 15 minutes and then I go back on and then you know, but it can go the opposite way. I mean I teach on this. I've been teaching on it for years. You know that you can be the opposite. You're still proud of your overly humble you know, because you're still comparing yourself and thinking, well, I'm better than that person. So I mean I don't know what helps you, for? How can you help me? I mean, this is free therapy. Please help me.
Speaker 1:Lay down on the bed there and we'll give you some advice. You know what was the question? The comparison thing. Helping with the comparison thing, I was just thinking about the fact and this ties into that when Carol was talking, I talked to a girl on one of my podcasts who was dealing with some younger girls in her congregation that she was counseling, that they were going through a quarter life crisis. It is an actual thing, like at 25, feeling like they have already missed it because they're not married or they don't, they're not making six figures or they don't have the house in the suburbs with the two kids and the dog or whatever their dream is, and I think that ties into what Sue is talking about. I don't know that comparison ever really goes away and I kind of thought it would. Honestly, I thought, like you were saying, you know, I thought, well, I'll get to a place that I just won't give a rat time in what anybody thinks about me and you know, I'll get to say what I want and do what I want and I won't care. But it's not true. It's not true. I do care and I do see when people have successes and when they, you know, get the things and do the things and look the way that they do that. It is hard.
Speaker 1:I actually tried to take a huge break from social media. True confessions of a failed take a break from social media. Back in after my birthday, because I wanted to wait to get all the birthday wishes on Facebook, let's be honest. So the day after my birthday I was going to take a break from social media and I thought I'm going to do this till October. I can do this. I don't have to be on social media, even for the podcast If nobody listens because they're not subscribed, so what, who cares?
Speaker 1:And so I lasted about 20 days and I couldn't do it. And when I say withdrawal, like when I say weird detoxing kind of habit stuff, it was the weirdest thing. But I had true FOMO. I thought I was going to miss everything. Nobody was going to text me to see how I was doing. What if nobody knew I was even gone? I mean crazy stuff going through my mind. I'm like you're 52 years old, mary, that's what is wrong with you that you cannot turn off your social media. I don't know that it goes away. I guess it comes down to, I would say, identity, but I feel like I know who I am, but at the same time, this pressure is so real out here that I don't know that I know what to do with it at times, either Go ahead, yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 5:Well, it's not going to go away as long as the enemy is in the world.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 5:That's the crux of the matter. He is going to do everything he can to lie and deceive us and make us into people who are believing things about ourselves that we shouldn't or not walking in truth, and so it doesn't matter. I don't think how old you are, for instance, with me writing this book. In the book I talk a lot about getting some guts and just stepping on in, and let me tell you every single day that I wrote that book, I was scared out of my mind.
Speaker 5:I'm still scared out of my mind for people to read my words because A they're not as good as somebody else's. B I know that I could be better. Aka, they're not as good as somebody else's. And C what if somebody criticizes me? Of course they're going to. Once you're out in the public, people are going to criticize you, and this is the reason a lot of times that we back off from building a platform, and we know we need a platform to get our message out. Just think, if Paul had this back in the day, my goodness, the gospel could have spread far and wide a lot faster, beyond TikTok, that's for sure.
Speaker 1:He would have been trending.
Speaker 5:He would have been trending for sure. But I just think that we let ourselves get in the way of doing God's message, of giving God's message, and that's one of the ways. As comparison, well, I'm not going to do this real because I'm not that articulate or I'm not like what's her face that does the dances or whatever, it doesn't matter. That's not you. You be you, because somebody needs your voice. They will relate to it and I'm going to stop preaching now.
Speaker 1:We need to take an offering up, because she just proved we just went to church, you know.
Speaker 3:I just want to remind everybody of Susan's book. Tell me if I get the title wrong. I taught it in a Bible study putting Jesus on the identity issue. We all struggle with the identity issue, even at this age, and so it was such a gift to take women through a summer Bible study in Susan's book to be able to remind them how often scripture tells us what it is we're supposed to be clothed in, who we're supposed to be clothed in, and that's a continuous reminder.
Speaker 3:It's not a do it in the morning and it lasts you all day. It might be a moment by moment thing, depending on the circumstances, but I think that can be part of that whole thing of how do you find the mojo that we want the feeling, and I think the reality is that we've got to cling to the truth and we have to talk truth over our feelings, because I won't always feel like God is near, but I can trust and believe that he is because I've walked with him long enough and scripture gives us tons of examples. But what are those things that Christ allows us to put on that we cover ourselves with? And Susan probably has more to say.
Speaker 4:Well, you know, writing that book was like I don't think I can write this book because I need this too much. You know, it's like I am so not walking, going to even share this when I believe it, but I know how much I'm walking in my flesh and so I think part of a part of thankfully writing or doing studying what God puts on us is what he's, what he's discipling us in, and so then, when he's discipled us in it, then we have a message to share with somebody else and it's it's really not any different than baking banana bread and sharing it with your neighbor. It's just sharing the words of life that God is, you know, taking you through. That you go. Ok, yeah, you're right, I am looking at my flesh and my struggle. I found, in all of this comparison thing, like I didn't even know this thinking you know the stinking thinking is in my head was about and it's like I don't really say this out loud very often because I feel so what a bad Christian. But I'm just going to be honest here is God didn't love me as much as he did these other women who were much more successful, because if he loved me more, he would use me more and and God's like what that is so perverted from how I think and how I use and what I do, and and like having to really realize that I needed to trust God's love for me and that he desired good for me. And he desired In your Bible study, carol, I froze again tonight because all of you all have funny faces.
Speaker 4:Maybe my words were only for, I'm sorry, I bet internet today. Why? Because the enemy, I don't know. But, carol, you know, maybe the words were just for those, for those ladies in your Bible study. And would that be enough to have gone through the pain to have written it? Yes, it would have. So, once again, it's the industrial society that says we have to see an amount, a number to mean you know, how many books have you sold? What does it matter? The one mom who came up to me because she read my book on prayer and it transformed her spirit in her life as she's walked through really deep, dark valleys. What if it was just for her? Would it be enough? In God's economy, it's enough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is the thing. I think you said it a little bit earlier too, but it's am I okay with. Am I okay with that being the thing, the enough? Or I use the phrase a lot Am I okay with being known as being faithful? I mean, abraham was known as being faithful. He did know, like he never got to see the promise completely fulfilled, right, he never got to see all of the stars, the, you know, the children. As far as that's concerned, he got to see. It started, but he was faithful and being faithful is a huge deal.
Speaker 1:It's in God's economy. It's one of the most important things is we are faithful to what he's called us to, to all of the things that he's made us to be and created us to be. And sometimes I think my brain goes to is that enough? That doesn't feel like enough. You know, like who's going to know I was faithful? What do I have to show for it? So I think that's very what you're saying. Susan is so good because his economy it's an upside down kingdom. He doesn't operate the way that this world operates and we we have gotten, unfortunately I feel like we've gotten caught up in the way the world operates and we expect to fit God's kingdom into that, when in reality his kingdom is very much upside down and he doesn't look at the things you know. He looks at the widow given her last little bit and counts that even more than the rich man throwing a few dollars into the offering bucket.
Speaker 2:You know guess who, when you were talking, susan, it reminds me how we first met. We were part of a mastermind and we chatted privately and and I remember asking you does this make you feel better or worse? What we're hearing about all these things we're supposed to be doing, and she wrote right back it makes me feel worse. I thought, oh goodie, we can be friends and that's how we started, because we talked during class like we pass notes, and so that's great. But what you were saying earlier too about this is what I believe. But this is how I feel.
Speaker 2:I I keep thinking that the more cohesive that becomes, the more we're maturing, christ. So you know, I will be on my deathbed going. This is not how I think, but it's how I feel, and I'm thinking that this is a goal for us to. I think we're supposed to have goals to aspire to, but goals are things that we have control over, whereas desires, you know, that's something we leave in the Lord's hands and that's why we get angry when we're trying to force our goal on someone else. But we can have a desire.
Speaker 2:I learned that from some psychologist, but I can't remember his name because I'm 71. But anyway, and so I think, the more cohesive I am and saying, lord, this is how I feel and even cried this morning. I cried in my quiet time and I thought, okay, now I feel better and letting that go and then believing and exalting in who God is and what he's doing in my family's lives and just trusting it, saying I trust him when I don't feel like I trust him. That's moving the line over, to be more cohesive but not to be depressed If tomorrow you wake up in us back this way again. You know, I think Ruthie alluded that to that as well Go ahead, susan.
Speaker 4:No, I just I love what you just shared and I think it's so important that we keep sharing this because it's like you were saying before Mary, we thought when we got here we'd have it together and we need to tell the women it's a journey and we keep coming back to the Lord and that's not a sign that you're not traveling well. It means you're still traveling the journey and it's still up and down and you're not doing it wrong because you got here and you don't have everything figured out at 50 or 60 or 70 or 80. You know, you just, are you still living faithfully with Jesus?
Speaker 2:And to Ruthie's point she said community is it? I mean God, you know, the world has the world. Through COVID, the world has discovered community because they realized how desperate they were. And it's like wait, they're taking over what we've known for centuries and they're doing a pretty good job. They just add wine. You know, whatever we, we need to be with it all the time, because we can't live this. We're too proud to show someone else we need them and that it's all. Bottom line is pride.
Speaker 1:Yes, amen to that.
Speaker 3:I will. I will tack on to that authenticity, right, ruthie? Authenticity like being our authentic selves and we all live in an arena because of the message that we desire to share. We've chosen to be platform people, whatever you think of that word. But there's the generation coming behind us that see what we're doing and there's still that idea that they see women who have it all together and trying so hard to not care if my makeup's on, trying so hard to just talk from my garden and my funky yellow boots and to just pull back the curtain and let the people who are listening to the message know that this facade, if I wear earrings, it's not because I'm trying to do anything particular. It is just me, because I'll wear earrings even in the garden.
Speaker 3:Guys, let's be real. But finding that way to communicate authentically and if that's in a video from our house, if that's in a conversation from a stage, if that's one-on-one, just pulling back the veil and saying here's what it looks like to do this life and we're good at putting words together that's part of what brought us into this community where we all know each other. But finding the authenticity in that, to say, sometimes it takes me a while to figure those words out, like we can come across so polished not often for myself, but like that's the goal, and even in a book. Ruthie, right, you're launching a book. We want it to be received well and being able to step back and say authentic selves. The Lord uses real people to meet real people, and so how do we hold that tension with this desire to do things well, finding that authentic version that lets somebody connect and get a glimpse of this hope that has a name, and his name is Jesus.
Speaker 1:That's so good.
Speaker 2:I had a friend come in my house once and say, oh, I feel better about my house, meaning my house was so awful. And uh, oh, yeah, I use that my hospitality workshop, because houses keep us from being hospitable. Right, had been in her house and I was like, whoa, her house was awful. So she felt about hers, think about mine. So there's a thing and this was what 40 years ago, I've given up. I just, you know, I use my social security, I get a housekeeper, but I still don't care. I mean, carol gave me a 40 minute warning when you were going to come to my house. Oh, just got ice cream and chocolate sauce and strawberries. She didn't get anything baked, but something else I was going to say, but of course I've forgotten. So I guess I'm done. Oh, you're done. No, I had something else, but it'll come up tomorrow.
Speaker 3:But you guys, isn't that so great. Sue responded to me so positively with a 40 minute warning. I was near her with another group of women and I had an opportunity with time and she said yes to the window of time because she had a window. Maybe wasn't as prepared as she would like and I find myself getting hung up on. Oh, I want to be prepared to receive people a certain way and I learned so much from her that this legacy life that she's living, that she's just welcoming people in, and smart woman, she takes her baked goods to her neighbors so she doesn't eat at all.
Speaker 2:So I was going to say when you were saying about we want to be excellent. Like Ruthie, you wanted that book to be the best you could do. Right? We don't want to be slobbering because it's God's work, and I think what's helped me is the parable of the talents God is giving us. Carol's right, we all have word talent, but we're different in our word talent and we're also different in our speaking talent and our cooking or whatever it is. They're unique, but what makes them the same is that they're all from God, and so if I say God has given me this talent, I better get better at this because it's investing. I'm sure you must say that I haven't gotten past chapter four yet, ruthie, but I plan to by tomorrow. The whole idea is that it's such a gift and that's why we don't have to be proud, because it's all gift, right?
Speaker 1:Yes, it is all a gift. I think that it. I teach whenever I'm training musicians and worship leaders and we're practicing and I'm trying to train up new people. I say all the time we can be excellent, we don't have to be perfect. And I think there's a big difference, because God I know God is perfect but even he had a plan and he did things with excellence. And when he created the world, you know, it wasn't just haphazard.
Speaker 1:And I feel like that, what the gifts that God has given me, that it's my responsibility to steward those gifts well. And I can do that by practicing the piano, by, you know, writing more or listening to my interviews and trying to stop doing the annoying things that I shouldn't be doing because they're bad habits or those kinds of things. And so I feel like being excellent is I think people put those two words together and they're very different because I don't want to strive for perfection, but I do want to be excellent in what I do. So that's good, but I will leave dust on my end tables and sometimes I don't sweep my floor when I invite people over just because I want them to see that, hey, I'm okay with you showing up here and I don't have to.
Speaker 1:It doesn't have to look great. I mean, you know, I would like for it to look perfect every time, but I just don't hardly care anymore. So please come to my house anyways. Seriously, I will make you good coffee or tea. That's important. I pick my battles. That's what I do.
Speaker 3:Oh, I just realized I'm surrounded by four people who all do podcasts. You guys, is this mean? I'm supposed to be doing a podcast?
Speaker 5:Look at you. You look so legit there.
Speaker 3:You've got the whole thing on. You already do it.
Speaker 4:Oh, only if God tells you Thank you. You have to do a podcast. Unless Jesus leads you to do it, you are free, so sweet, so sweet.
Speaker 1:Or you could just get in a helicopter and do the news like where the yeah you do. That's what I look like right now. I'll give you today from WKCL, where we know Christ lives. Go, mary go. I wanted to be a radio DJ when I was growing up. What can I say? Okay, I can't. I know I know y'all are shocked, but it's been an hour. I know I know you're shocked, but I guess we probably should wrap it up because everybody has important things to do.
Speaker 1:But you took an hour to spend time with me and I'm so excited. Thank you so much. I feel like this has been a really rich conversation. I'm probably going to get emotional, sorry. I love being able to pull from other women who are strong and who have lived life full and are not afraid to take it by the horns. So much wisdom in this group of ladies and I'm just thankful that we I've gotten to know you and get to know you more and I just really appreciate you taking time to share your insight and ups and downs and just being really real. I love really real. I will take that any day over. Perfectly perfect. I just love really real and I just really do appreciate all of you guys hanging out with me for this podcast.
Speaker 5:Thank you for having us, Mary.
Speaker 3:Yeah, thank you Mary, we appreciate it yeah absolutely.
Speaker 4:It's fun to talk as a group. We'll have to do this again.
Speaker 1:I know it's fun to kind of pull off of each other. It's good, I think, because we bring different perspectives right and it's just it's refreshing. It's absolutely refreshing. Okay, sue, had a question. We're going to end on this, this is how we're going to end, and I pulled the question up, sue, so I got it right this time. Okay, what's the message God's given you to share right now? What is the message God has given you to share? 60 seconds or less, girls, because we're already at an hour. Okay, go. So you want to go first, since you had the question first, I thought about it.
Speaker 2:My premise to my message is that God invited us to himself, and so when we invite someone to our table is just one more step of what he did for us. That's the premise. My message is that you can change the world one cup of coffee at a time and tea works too and my mission is to empower men and women to open their homes, for heaven's sake.
Speaker 1:That's so good, so let's go next.
Speaker 3:I will go next. My message is encouraging women to dig their roots deep into the soil of God's unchanging character and my garden comes into that with illustrations and awful lot, but just looking for ways to help them build and strengthen their faith walk.
Speaker 4:Okay, my mission statement is to point people home to the father, and I want to do that through opening the word of God, so that they can get to know him better and that they can know that they can crawl up in the lap of their father and find hope and love and forgiveness, and that this is the beginning of the journey and the journey goes on into eternity, so they don't have to live in fear.
Speaker 1:That's so good, ruthie.
Speaker 5:Okay, well, I'm a little bit. Let's see, one of these things is not like the other, and I'm the one because I'm a marketing coach, but I do it with the love of Jesus. So my mantra is I try to get. I work with Christian creatives so that they can get their message, market their message in an authentic way. So at the end of my podcast I always say be sure to share your message your way, in your own authentic voice.
Speaker 1:That is so good. That is so good. Well, I feel like my passion and my message right now is that I want to see people be their healthiest selves spiritually, physically and emotionally. I feel like a lot of times we concentrate heavily one or on the other, but that we're, you know, a body, soul and spirit, and so it brings me life to see people connect all three of those areas and avenues in their lives and live from a very healthy place that breaks generational curses and things that they have dealt with, cyclical things that they've dealt with their whole lives. And I specifically love doing that inside of the body of Christ, because for so long we just concentrated on being saved and making sure we had our ticket to heaven, that we weren't living life to the full and fulfilling the purposes. So that's what I am passionate about and feel like that's where my ministry niche is right now and that's where God has me. So, yay, well, I love this.
Speaker 1:Guys, I don't really want to hang up, I want to sit and talk some more, but I really appreciate you being with me on this podcast and thank you for joining me, and I look forward to getting to see all the good things and all the great things that you guys accomplish and I just hope that I can just just grab ahold of all the nuggets of wisdom that you guys have shared and apply them to my life so that I can just live life even fuller than what I'm living in now, because you have so much to offer and I just honor you all so much for what you bring to the table and to the kingdom and to the world in general. You're amazing women of God and I'm glad I get to know you.
Speaker 2:Thanks Mary, thanks Mary.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for joining me and thanks everyone for joining me on another episode of the Back 40 podcast. All of these wonderful ladies' information will be in the show notes where you can connect with them and find out more about them and get to know them. And we will see you next season for season three of the Back 40 podcast. Thanks for joining me. Talk to you soon. Bye.
